Your inner sh*t-talker is one of the most powerful forces in your life. It is a master manipulator that will make you believe that you are not good enough, talented enough, or worthy enough to do something important.
The inner sh*t-talker can also make you doubt yourself when it comes to the most important relationships in your life — your marriage, family, and friends.
Before we even begin to banish the inner sh*t-talker (IST,) let’s try to understand her/him/them a little better. Why are they here? What purpose do they serve?
The inner sh*t-talker is also your bodyguard.
The sh*tty narrative brought on by your IST is most likely trying to protect you from judgment, failure, risk-taking, and even success.
As long as you aren’t trying new things or putting yourself out there, you are safe from the risks of judgment and failure.
You may think I’m crazy when I say it protects you from success, but with success comes major shifts in your life. Could success change your family dynamic? Are you afraid to rock the boat with your spouse or even your kids?
What if your success is on the other side of the outdated paradigms in your life? What if your IST is protecting you from having to do the super scary work of dismantling those paradigms?
The past is not a psychic prediction of the future.
Man, oh man do we get ourselves sucked into this one! We put ourselves out there a time or two, fail, and then crawl back into our shells never to emerge with risks again because we ASSUME it will happen again.
Some of my favorite stats and quotes are about how many times people failed before they succeeded.
I love this reminder from Michael Jordan “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed.”
And most of us aren’t even in major leagues!!! We are afraid to get haircuts we like because in 2nd grade we were bullied over the bowl cuts our moms gave us at the kitchen table and now we can’t bear the thought of looking stupid.
REMINDER: The past is over. You are different. Circumstances change. Hearts change.
Sh*tty thinking is a sh*tty habit.
So beliefs are thoughts we continue to think and most of your thoughts are repeats from the day before. This means that we unconsciously keep thinking the same thoughts over and over and over again because we’ve created the habit.
Nasty habits are hard to quit but they aren’t impossible!!
Changing a habit takes self-awareness. What is triggering the habit? How does it feel in your body? What is the result of the shitty thought that you habitually think? Once you build this awareness, you can start to poke holes in the sh*t talker’s story and create new, more empowering thought habits.
For example, I love to doodle on random papers. I used to judge my doodles and think, “I’m not creative and don’t create real art.” I understand now that self-judgment is a backwards way of protecting me from the judgment of others. As long as I didn’t think I was a “real” artist I couldn’t be judged on my art. Now I doodle and think to myself, “my doodles are an expression of my creativity.”
Shitty thinking is learned.
Sorry grandma, putting you on blast here. My grandma is so critical of herself. Even when she makes a minor mistake she laughs when she says, “oh, stupid me.” But I don’t find it funny and I see how my momma learned it, how I learned it, how my sister and her kids learned it.
BUT this means that EMPOWERING THINKING can also be learned and you can let that little light of yours shine, shine, shine!
Self-love & self-compassion are the kryptonite to the inner sh*t-talker.
Your inner sh*t-talker lives in the delusion that you are broken and unworthy so it tries to help you hide out in your mind. Approach your IST the same way you would a scared child because honestly, your IST narrative is wrapped up in YOUR scared inner-child.
Show yourself and your IST love & compassion. Remind yourself that although risks and judgment are scary, you’ve got this!
What your IST needs most is to be acknowledged & validated. Not in a way that affirms it to be true but in a way that says “I see you, I hear you, I know that you are scared, but we are going to do this anyway & we will be okay.”
Taking the work a step further.
If you are ready to take this work a step further, check out my upcoming workshop CHALLENGING THE INNER SH*T TALKER. If you are reading this and that particular workshop is no longer available, reach out to me, and let’s chat about how you can continue the work!!