How much abundance do we really need?

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Abundance is a word we all throw around these days to the point that it’s seemingly lost its weight and meaning. Without realizing it, I have desensitized myself to the true meaning of this word and found myself living a life of enoughness, allowing that experience to redefine the word abundance. 

Let me be clear, I am SUPER grateful for my life and recognize how many amazing experiences I’ve had, as well as all of the comforts and even luxuries that I’ve been afforded. Because of this, I don’t really set my sights, dreams, goals, intentions, or manifestations much further out than what I already have. I’ve told myself that because I am already so fortunate, it would be greedy or gluttonous to desire much more and it isn’t necessary. I have what I need, I’ve always had what I’ve needed, and therefore, I must be abundant. When seeking to manifest more abundance in my life, I just bump the bar up a bit and say “that’s ENOUGH abundance for me.”  But is it? Why do I put limits on how much is for me? Have I lost the courage to imagine possibilities? Do I question how much I deserve? Will someone in need have more if I desire less? Is it because I don’t want to be selfish? Or is it actually selfish to only carve out just what I need rather than what I can share…abundantly?

Last week I had a conversation with a friend who asked me what I would like my life to look like when I’m 95. To be honest, I have never thought about this in any detail. It has probably taken up 95 pages in my journal and that isn’t even counting the spreadsheet that goes along with answering this question. I also realized that when I’m 95 my husband will be gone, so he had to sit through me mourning the loss of him and what life is like as a widow. Okay, so I’m a little dramatic and a Virgo, spreadsheets and tears are a part of my daily life. 

Anyway, the question wasn’t just about life at 95 but life in general, “get granular & specific,” my friend said. That’s when I came to realize that I had no idea. My mom’s party lifestyle taught me to live in the moment, so all I’ve ever done is what it takes to have peace and joy – in the moment. Recovery taught me, “just for today,” so I continued thinking about what I need today. This isn’t to say I don’t plan, I just don’t plan for more than 5 years out, ever. My husband is a planner and he thinks about retirement & budgeting, while I navigate the present moment. I have a sister that is 4 years older than me, so I watch her and plan to look out for those trials and tribulations in my “big picture” plan of 5 years. This may sound silly and maybe it is, but this has served me well in my life and I have a lot of joy, it just doesn’t serve me well in my dreams and manifestations. 

I have convinced myself that if I don’t need it, I don’t want it. I don’t worry about money, I’ve hustled my entire life and I’ve always been provided for one way or another. I might not always buy organic, but I’m not going without produce. This might seem random, but it’s important because when I sat down to think about all of the things I ACTUALLY want, “only purchasing organic foods” made it on my list. If I were living in abundance in this one line item, I would also be voting for better options for not only myself but the planet and organic farmers. 

Okay, that’s a small example but I realized that it doesn’t cost me anything to think big, specific, and intentional, however, there is a cost in NOT thinking this way. When I scaled up my list from organic produce & zero waste beauty products to an annual soul expansion trip, a business mentor, vacations with my hubby, a housekeeper, and a full-time caregiver when I get old, I realized that I am NOT the only one who would benefit from me reevaluating how I experience prosperity. I’ve been making small requests to God and the Universe in an effort to not take more than what I need but by keeping my requests small I am blocking the flow of abundance to everyone else who would be impacted by my choices. I have believed for a long time that I am a conduit for joy and healing but now I realize that we are all conduits for whatever it is we allow (good OR bad) and my next step is to tune into abundance and out of enoughness. 

I invite you to think about the ways that you’ve set up blocks in your life under the guise of being selfless, conscious, or conservative. Have you skewed the word abundance in the same ways I have? I might be m.i.a. for a little while, I have 56 years of planning to do!